Over Coming Depression and Anger

As I write this, eight years ago I was sinking into a deep depression.

I am currently 58 years old so that would have been when I was 50. I made an appointment to see my family doctor because of sinus issues and my doctor noticed that I just wasn't myself. He wanted to try me on an anti depressant that would help lift my mood and help with weight loss, something I needed. My weight had really increased in the last few years and I wasn't able to lose it like I had earlier in life. That alone was a good reason to be depressed! So I tried the medicine he prescribed. It didn't work. As a matter of fact within about six months he prescribed five different prescriptions for depression and they just were not working. I was sinking. This wasn't the first time I felt this way but it was the worst I had ever felt.

The last prescription was Effexor Fx, it was horrible, It made me feel worse than I did without it. It's hard to describe, other than it felt like a leech was on my brain. I knew it wasn't working so I began to slowly wean myself off of this monster medicine. I was sick as a dog. If that makes any sense. For six long weeks I was so dizzy that most of the time I was in bed and my head was spinning constantly.

During that time of depression and trying each prescription, I couldn't focus on much. Much less read a book. I knew I needed to pick up my bible and read it because this is how I was raised, to seek God in time of need. I just didn't have the energy to make the effort. There were days that I spent in bed with little or no energy. So as not to worry my husband, just before he would come home from work I would do something like start a load of clothes washing, make the bed or start something cooking on the stove. I didn't want him to worry. He knew though, because he was paying for all those prescriptions! I don't know what I thought I was trying to hide. Maybe it was a little pride also, not wanting to fully face what was happening to me.

Sometimes it takes being on the very bottom before we will finally look up and receive help. Why is that? It is our stubborn human nature wanting to control everything!

I got to the very bottom. The medications were not working, I couldn't read the bible that I knew I should read. I was embarrassed that I had gotten there and really didn't want anyone to know. You see I was in leadership at my church. I had been a part of the praise team for years. How can you be a leader if everyone knows you have problems? Isn't that lying, being fake trying to hide and still sing with a big smile on my face? In retrospect, we all are human and no one is exempt even teachers and pastors! But can you see my plight? When you are in ministry you want to be a good example for others for the glory of the Lord.

I felt like God was telling me to stand still. A funny thing happened during this time of decision. One Wednesday night I was on the platform singing with our praise team and during a song God began to speak to me. We were singing a song about standing still and knowing He is God, when He spoke into my spirit and asked me a question. You know how you have two children? I thought, yes in answer as I kept singing into my microphone. Then He asked again, you know how you have that one child who will do just about anything you ask? I again thought, yes. I was thinking about one of my children, smiled to myself and kept singing.  A third time He asked,  you know how you have that one child that you just want to pop on the back of the head because that child is so stubborn? I smiled to myself,  and internally raised my brows and thought yes , Lord I do! He then spoke the fourth time into my spirit and said, you are that child to me. I had an OMG moment! I almost laughed into the microphone. It was true, here I was singing confidently that I was standing still yet I hadn't really gotten it. I had previously quit my job as a Realtor because I had put a fleece before the Lord and I knew when he answered me directly that I should quit. But yet here was God again telling me I really wasn't standing still.

The word says Stand still and know that I am God! Sometimes we need to stop and listen!

I knew it was time to stop everything, even my ministry. This was a hard decision to make. I loved to sing. I wasn't the best but I could carry a tune and I enjoyed worshiping the Lord and encouraging others to do it also. I loved being a part of a a really good team! But I couldn't deny that God had truly spoken to me.

I quit. 

During this time I received an email invitation to attend a Women's Life Recovery Class that would start in just a few days. That email really got my attention. With all the things I was going through. Maybe this was my life line. Several years before I had heard a few friends talking about this class and at that time I just really didn't get it and there was no way that I wanted to sit in a group of ladies talking about my problems. I was in leadership. What would they think of me? I laugh at myself now. When some read this they may think who did she think she was, someone important? Not really I just wanted to be the best I could be for the Glory of God and if I was in a position to encourage others I surely didn't want anyone to think I wasn't stable.

I remember the first night of the class, I was nervous and there were two ladies there from my church. Oh God! What would they think of me? I think they were just as surprised to see me as I was to see them.

When I entered the room all the chairs were in a circle. I almost backed out of the door. I was cringing inside to think I had to sit in a circle and look into the eyes of other ladies as this meeting progressed. But, I am so glad I stayed. It wasn't that bad. They had problems too! We all had a lot in common and before the night was over, friendship bonds were in the making.

I have never been in a class just like this and I wasn't familiar with the 12 steps. I had heard about the 12 steps that AA teaches, but I really knew nothing about it. This class used similar steps along with the Life recovery Bible to teach us about how to live life abundantly and victoriously. Some of us were going through life after divorce, grief from the loss of a loved one, depression, confusion, abandonment, sexual abuse and much more. Some of the ladies came to the class not knowing why they came but finished the class being enlightened by the Word. There were some ladies we never knew what was going on in their lives because they never spoke and these ladies didn't get the victory that comes with confession.

At first you might think, I don't want to confess something that will be repeated to someone else. Like gossip. You see it's like this, in doing so, confessing, you become vulnerable yes, but you also open the door for others to feel safe. It's biblical and confession is good for the soul. But yes, you do need to be careful who you confess to.

Confession is in Step five so there is a time period to get to know the other ladies before opening up and revealing the pits of your soul. As a matter of a fact in a group like this you become very close friends because you all have a lot in common. As we see each other grow and have victories it is also a blessing in each of our lives. It becomes faith building as we each support each other in prayer.

When I started the class I really didn't know what was wrong with me other than I was depressed. Within the first two weeks as we began to study the first few steps I was completely delivered from depression! The Word healed me. Working the steps showed me how I had suppressed anger over some life long issues. I had felt hopeless over these issues and had stuffed them deep down into my spirit and it was killing me slowly with depression. As I was able to forgive my offenders by the grace of God and the power of His word I had complete deliverance. Praise the Lord! You might think, now why didn't God just tell you about the suppressed anger so you could repent and go on your way to a better life. Well, our ways are not like His ways and all things work together for his purpose and plans. Sometimes we have to stand still and be quiet enough to hear his voice.

Now don't think the devil didn't try to raise his ugly head again with depression, but now I am awake in the Word and I laugh at the audacity of the devil, I know his tricks! I have found that as long as I stay in the word daily it is my life line! Darkness can not stay where there is light and Jesus is the light. He is also the Word! Every time I pick up my bible and read it I am fellow-shipping with the Word! (Jesus) Oh how precious is the Word!

The spoken word is so powerful! God spoke the world into existence! Jesus told his disciples  that they would do greater things on this earth than he had done. I believe the spoken word is so powerful that I encourage reading it aloud!

The word says that we reap what we sow and that is so true.  His word says to think on things good, pure and holy. We can be forgiven of those sins that we sowed and saved but we will reap one way or another. One way I believe is in our health. I have suffered back problems since1995. I often wondered why I had to suffer this pain. Now I wonder if it was all the anger I sowed and stuffed inside. Our thoughts and our words are powerful. What are we creating.

I was so blessed by the Life Recovery studies that I started a group in 2014 and I have literally seen these ladies lives changing. Their very countenance has changed.

We have had testimonies that have been amazing. God is changing lives all because of the word.
I don't get paid for this advertisement, but I highly recommend the Life Recovery Bible. In has the twelve step studies inside and it is what I used to be an over-comer! 

Join me in my next post where I will show you scientific proof of how what we say may affect our bodies! Click Here to see...

Blessings! 

Teryan Cooley 
P.S. I am writing a workbook from my class notes that goes with this study and I will be finished soon. I believe you will find it very helpful. Make sure to follow my blog so that you can stay up to date for my announcement for release! 

P.S.S. Please feel free to share this blog with anyone you know who is suffering from depression or anger or any other self defeating habits!